I had a little meltdown this evening…I wanted things to be…well just better.
I want to enjoy making and writing Christmas cards but I also want them done…yesterday! I want to feel rested and clean but I want to enjoy being with Faith (which ultimately results in feeling tired and covered in food and other things!). I want to have moments of reflection but I also want to watch all the Christmas movies, drink copious cups of mulled wine, see reindeer and dance and sing (but not nursery rhymes). I want to be more generous, I want Faith to grow up giving lavishly but I also want things for her, for me. I have so many ideals I want to be more evident in the habits of my life.
After my meltdown…we made a glass of mulled wine and I sat down and am poised ready to write some cards. And I am aware of how magical this moment is, we are surrounded by clutter and there is always more washing up. My nails and hair are still a mess but I am with Mike listening to Sufjan and looking at the advent candle slowly burn (we have 7 days to get through!), and you know this is pretty good.
I so easily get distracted from the goodness that surrounds me by looking at what next, and what else is around. A good friend commented on a previous post that maybe sacred was found in being dedicated in the present moment. I find this tough…
You know I always thought I was a completer/finisher…because it frustrates me so much when things are unfinished-but that is my life, I get distracted, and consequently get frustrated a lot.
So trying to be present…
Also heads up these are my top 5 Christmas songs to aid you in your festivities:
Holy, Holy, Holy-Sufjan Stevens
Christmas TV-Slow Club
Winter Song-Sara Bareilles and Ingrid Michaelson (Walked in to this at our wedding)
Christmas Wrapping-The waitresses
And Oh Holy Night by any good gospel choir (or if you know him Rob Short…also sang this at the wedding!!)