I have come to realise, that I am an acquired taste, I am a marmite personality…and for someone who actually hates marmite, I don’t mind. But essentially what I am saying is that people have strong reactions to me…theres no real sitting on the fence with me, you either love me or you, well hate seems too strong a term.
It’s ok, on the whole. I mean no one is liked by everyone nor should they be, and to some extent I ascribe to the view of ‘no f#*ks should be given about other peoples views of me’. To some extent that is…I am not planning on changing myself for others.
Maybe its my church upbringing-but I was led to believe its better to be hot or cold than luke warm. But that means people tend to quickly like me or not…generally this is positive and I get along with most people. In fact its a lifelong game that I play with people trying to find or make a connection (this is substantially easier if you are from the South West/have been involved with youthwork/love dolly Parton and Whitney (if its all 3 then we are kindred spirits-fact!)
But obviously, with the good comes the less favourable situation of people disliking me. Or just finding me difficult…this is not limited to new acquaintances, at times I have good friends suddenly distance themselves. This I find confusing, but it is clear to me that I have offended them. What annoys me is when, I have to say I find this mostly with my female friends, when they just distance themselves or the oh so kind passive aggressive bitchiness.
The kind of edging on gas lighting…the ‘oh I’m not treating you differently, I’m just so busy chatting and being best friends with the rest of the group, I didn’t notice that I completely shunned you, ignored you’.
Obviously I am sounding a tad bitter and hurt about this…because, well I am.
Mainly because for all of us who are seen as tricky customers, we kind of expect people to say to our faces what’s wrong. We want the opportunity to put it right.
Now, I have plenty of good friends around me, who encourage and empower me. Maybe that is my problem that even though I cause these reactions, I am also a people pleaser. I am this weird mix of wanting to be liked but also stubbornly not changing who I am. Which seems to work for some and not for others.
But for those who also are seen as tricky customers, its ok we are a rare breed but we got this.