I am currently wondering where does my time go? Some of it seems painfully slow watching swimming lessons in the sweatbox of our local pool. Wondering how many years and thousands of pounds you will invest in this large, loud sauna   to ensure your child may actually survive in 4ft of water?

Then there’s the times that fly by, like the minutes of having a calm bath before one of your offspring does a poo by your head (we only have 1 bathroom my children aren’t yet that feral that they are shatting on the floor…small mercies I guess) or any conversation with your partner that you’d been meaning to have for ages and now are too tired to speak, and it’s gone.

Life isn’t bad by any means, it’s just I am trying to build this sense of adventure in my girls and also wondering when it buggered off in me?

I am keeping this list of things I want to do around 40-dont want to be too target focused. But the list keeps changing. It has included things such as learning to do a headstand/cartwheel, going to a roller disco, climb a mountain, maybe try a gameshow (wish fun house was still on)getting back into driving and your more classic middle aged woman things, some tattoos and a skinny dip!

But essentially I just want to say yes to more, I want to try things and say fuck it, alright then. I am trying to find that sense of adventure and possibility.

Obviously there are limitations and responsibilities I need to consider mainly my kitten (oh and my kids and patient understanding partner) and lack of funds.

But time, well it’s of the essence isn’t it? I have been watching ‘once upon a time on Northern Ireland’ which is a lot more high brow than my usual stuff-but seriously worth watching! I did modern Irish history as my part of my GCSE because I had an Irish history teacher, but this stuff is our history…as in within in our lifetime and explains a bit about the way it has gone the way it has. It also shows the traumatic, strength, capacity to cause damage, love and beauty of humans.

Anyway, I digress (because don’t I always) there was a man on ep 3 called Tony, who had some pretty horrific near death experiences and thought to himself ‘if these are my last days I want to go out doing what I love, so he set up a record store and put on gigs.’ He definitely lived the party lifestyle, but there was something undeniably beautiful and rebellious about the way he was partying whilst the world around him was falling to pieces.

Equally, I have just started reading love and saffron by Kim fay. Which is a novel of 2 women who start writing to each other after one was reading the others column. It is such a lovely story of friendship born out of kindness. It also feels inspiring like our man Terry (I do claim the Irish ancestry due to the grandparents!). Because why not write to someone and tell them they make a difference to your life, why not celebrate instead of moan and get bitter-even when you might be justified to do so.

So here’s a few people that have moved and encouraged me of late with their loving of life and skills (some of them I know, some I don’t.. So I’ll probably come across a bit stalkerish…ah well 🤷)

Sara Arshad for your 40 waterfalls at 40. You are an absolute superhero for your willingness to support others in getting into the water and making me want to find all these waterfalls too.

Ali Slater for your vision and absolute determination at doing your house Reno on your own. (I am in love with your bathroom…is that too much?!)

Self Esteem (RLT) for producing incredible music, absolute soul shaping shows and being a fan of some great TV so much that you include Happy Valley quotes in above mentioned shows.

Ella for your hard grafting to make us love the land a bit better, and for advocating for the climate in all you do.

Josie, for being a kick ass mum to your kids and an activist of change for a better community for all our kids in sea mills.

And so many more…probably all of you who read this, because when we do what we love it’s infectious and inspiring.

With that in mind…I need to book a tattoo, get back in the car and practice my cartwheeling! 🤸‍♀️

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