Yesterday, I wrote a to-do list for myself (well technically in the final hours of Sun night I wrote a list), the list was entitled ‘get your shit together’. That is right, I titled my list! And yes I occasionally swear, mainly when I am tired and at the end of myself, but also when I am really determined. I try however, not to swear at people-and usually my swearing is also matched with praying…does that make it better or worse?

Anyway I got the list done yesterday-dear lord it felt wonderful. There were moments of tears but the sense of achievement-esp on a few jobs that we had been wanting to do for ages-was flippin amazing.

Today, however-well things have got done but in an interesting style. I have just had a meeting during which I breastfed, my daughter vommed, then made a heck of a lot of noise and smell for the tiniest poo ever, then she weed once I was changing her nappy, she then desperately tried to crawl towards the guy I was having a meeting with sans new nappy. If that wasn’t enough, finally a parcel for a neighbour was dropped off mid meeting and Faith crawled up to the very lovely delivery man and burst into tears in his face (cue a torrent of snot!)

All of this happened in my fairly chaotic lounge, where I was with my notebook and laptop, drink untouched and hair and teeth not brushed! Poor poor guy-especially sad because his wife is just about to have a baby and I am pretty certain Faith and I terrified him. He did say ‘it’s good to see the other side when antenatal classes make it look easy’ (sad news is we are not the momentary blip in paradise friend we are a constant hurricane of mess).

Afterwards, as my daughter finally went to sleep (an hour after she was meant to) and I was clearing up, I had the awful realisation that being a parent hasn’t transformed me into a mess-I have always been this. In primary school I never really had nicely braided hair, but when I did I tugged at it until I had hair sticking out all over the place. In my teenage years, I would always struggle to wake up and so straighteners and hair spray were sacrificed for coffee and banana on the go-which usually was all over me! During Uni, despite spending a fortune on stationary (I do love a good bit of stationary) I would still be emptying my bag searching for a biro and my notes would be crumpled up in some folder on top of all the plastic wallets I had purchased but never used.

Messy is me, I am messy.

In amongst this whirlwind-I do sometimes have it together, I can network like nobody’s business and remember facts pretty darn well, and I can be a decent friend (well at least some of the time) The mess does not necessarily represent lack of ‘with-it-ness’ and determination. Maybe I should be ok with the mess…

Maybe I should just try and sort my hair out though??

Final non-interesting insight: you know that scene in ‘Miss Congeniality’ where Sandra Bullock’s character goes into that hanger and they scrub her up, cut her hair, she gets a manicure, pedicure, wax and new wardrobe-that is my dream!!! Where is a camp Michael Caine when you need one?