We are not too hot on routines in this house, except maybe the bedtime routine we religiously observe that as if we were the most devote, holding great faith in the tea-milk-bath-story-sleep magic…even though it doesn’t always work like that. In those moments we like to believe we did something wrong, the timings were off/the bath was too cold/the story too enthusiastic/the batteries in ‘Ewan (or Pete as we refer to him as) the dream sheep’ were too weak. Any of these options are more favourable than believing the routine has lost its sacred power.

Despite such devotion to the bedtime routine…the days here are very adhoc and a whirlwind of lists, thought and activities.

Right now this is my mind:

• Don’t forget to turn the elderflower cordial off in 10 minutes otherwise you’ve probably wrecked it and your one attempt at being a ‘country living’ woman has gone down the pan.
• We have been attempting to upcycle our dining table and chairs… we currently have one white chair, I am now debating painting the seats and backs of the chairs mustard yellow…I have painted the legs a duck egg blue-I want it to look stylish and not like the set of Playdays. I fear the latter might already be true?
• There is a dead bird in the garden…what should I do with it.
• I probably shouldn’t have had a cherry bakewell and a flapjack for lunch.
• This is why I have spots…
• I must call Faith’s godparents and see how they are.
• I’ve got the hygienist next week…must keep on with intensive teeth brushing in prep
• Finished the parenting course yesterday…must think about family traditions, boundaries and whether/how to introduce the idea of prayer to Faith
• I think the elderflower flowers are burning…how is it possible they are in water??
• Send off the parcel to Jo.
• Want to plan a w/e away for a group of women I chat about Faith/Feminism/Life with…how can we find a cheap/free place to stay
• Write the studies for youth group
• Plan a trip to Somerset
• Plan a trip to Brighton
• Is it Maisie’s birthday today? It is definitely soon…
• We need to book a hotel
• I need to RSVP to those weddings
• I should put the wash on
• What about that dead bird?? Can you get a disease from being too near it?
• I need to plan for the interview
• Do you think Faith will stay asleep for 5 more minutes..

And she is awake…

Blooming heck…it just never stops and yet I kinda love the endless reel-it gives me adrenalin until I realise that I am functioning from a place of fear of not being a good enough friend/christian/wife/mum/woman… and then it feels a bit crap.

Last night at the final session of the parenting course we have been attending I was challenged about whether I already ‘overschedule’ our days. I like to have things on, I want Faith to experience lots of different things…but also truth be told I hate staying in, because I feel bad that I am not a ‘fun mum’ I don’t think of crafts, sensory play, imaginative games…and I too easily put on the TV. (Hey Duggee is on now…but I don’t feel bad I flippin love that program)

Anyway I have just received the nicest gift from my wonderful friend Becky-it is an illustration by Anna Lewis aka Sketchy Muma its entitled ‘You are Enough’

And Becky…this arrived at just the right time.

So for all of you who are like me and run around at 100 miles an hour(…not literally sadly, as I found out at the Rainbow Run last Saturday…dear Lord I need to get fit!!)

And maybe sometimes you are driven by a worry that if you don’t get ‘x’ done then it proves you are not good enough.

Please know that is BS-you are enough!

And then enjoy the running around just cos.

For those who care the elderflower cordial smells like honey/sugar water and I have just noticed another spot on the table I have missed when painting!

Great!

But remember you are enough…regardless of your elderflower cordial skills or your limitations in creative upcycling!