I have just goggled songs with ‘hot’ in the title from the 90s/early 2000 and came across Nelly’s ‘Hot s#*t’ which is frankly a pile of misogynistic crap…it does have one redeeming feature in that it uses a rap from the movie ‘Big’ starring Tom Hanks, which is one film I loved not simply because it was every child’s dream that they’d be minted enough to buy all that cool stuff but also he gets to play that massive floor keyboard-amazing! I learnt and can still recite that rap-I should put that on my CV.

But a better song to put on is ‘Your love is like a heatwave’by the Supremes and originally by Martha and the Vandellas, not especially for its message but its got a great tune and you’ll be dancing around your kitchen, garden, bathroom, lounge I promise. Possibly one to avoid is Aqua ‘In the heat of the night’…but if you remember their other hit ‘Barbie girl’ then you probably would have anyway.

So I too am annoyed about this heatwave, not because I spend ages trying to keep me and my little one cool and covered, or the fact that we don’t own a massive swimming/paddling pool like some people, or that I have a cold and the heat hasn’t really curbed my appetite I just find I complement my usual diet with ice cream.

No, none of that (well maybe slightly that) but it is primarily because its 20 years too late!

Bloomin Heck I was ready for this in 1997/98…I was waiting and willing it- a long hot summer, it was going to be my coming of age summer, there would be:

• bike rides with good friends out into the country and of course some adventure
• I would keep a diary recording all the drama and angst-and probably realise my lifelong passion to be a writer
• There would be dens and late night sleepovers under the stars were secrets were shared
• I would wear cut off jean shorts and nice large t-shirts and my hair pulled back in a high ponytail
• I would have my first kiss with my summer romance
• We would run around in corn fields, having a beer in the evening and sharing deep thoughts whilst we listened to some amazing tunes on one of our cassette recorders/boom box
• I would realise I was becoming an adult and suddenly become mature and probably have conversations beyond my years

I am aware that a lot of this sounds like a film…and more specifically ‘Now and Then’, which I saw when it came out in 1995 and I adored. But hindsight reminds me that it is based in the 1970s so maybe not the most achievable goal in terms of a visual for my coming of age summer.

But alas the sun never came and stayed. I mean the summers were great but they lacked that ‘turning point’ moment. And now…well I think its too late, I have come of age (whatever that means) and reality of my life paints a different picture.

• I never was a confident cyclist after knocking out part of my front tooth when I was 11 so I am not sure why I thought the summer sun would change that? Aesthetically it didn’t fit the vision either; my bike was painted more like a shell suit (a sign of the times), than a sweet turquoise bike with a basket on the front.
• I did keep a diary but it was mainly taken up with which boys I fancied, predominantly they were boys in my older brothers year which were never going to be anything. This was confirmed by my brother who used to get them to spy on me when I was having my own little discos in the lounge to Donna Summer and Whitney (even I will admit that my moves were more freestyle and  not moves that I would use to show my best side). My diary also provided quite an accurate account of my friend Hayley’s pet situation-she lived on a farm and there were lots of cats that came and sadly went.
• There were dens (in Hayley’s old pig sty) and sleepovers (not in said den) but there was also a lot of rain and dew and just freezing our butts off
• I am not sure cut off jean shorts would have ever suited me but as I have got bigger and the shorts have got shorter, they definitely wouldn’t now. As for the hair…its thick and long and heavy…it has been said that it sadly resembled ‘cousin it’ after I grew out my fringe.
• A summer crush first kiss would have been ideal, but alas due to dares and social awkwardness I had my first, second and third kiss by then and none of them were amazing memories. In the tutor room, the local woods and outside a pub…with guys who were never on the radar to being anything other than a snog. Classy.
• We did run around corn fields and it was fun, except for the odd dead mouse. Hayfever would stop any of that now. I also drank hooch rather than beer…in the park, by the monkey bars…who knows why its just where we gathered. I had a cassette recorder but never enough batteries to take it out, and my first 2 albums tragically were Cliff Richard and Amy Grant (bought my mum and dad respectively!)
• As for the deep conversations that was mainly concerned with whether I thought Leo DiCaprio or Joshua Jackson would be a better kisser?

Obviously if it had been a heatwave like now my life would probably look very different.

But I think its fair to say this heatwave will not be that for me…and frankly who can be arsed with the drama your teen years bring? I mean its just soooo intense, I don’t even have the patience to sit through whole episodes of TV shows (yup I confess I am a serial skipper) how the flip would I cope analysing whether the way that guy told a joke was indication of deep hidden feelings for you? Nope ain’t got time for that stuff.

Don’t get me wrong I love teenagers, and I love my teen years, even the summers. they were just more a less musical and Somerset version of Pugwalls Summer than a coming of age Dawsons Creek-and actually I think that is ok with me.