This is a post about speaking out your truth-which I actively encourage.
However, it does come with some disclaimers:
- Check your context. Saying out loud that you have an alarming rash, is more than appropriate to a medical professional, and even fine to a friend you are seeking sympathy from…but to the postman for example, probs not helpful!
- Is it needed. This is a complex one because it can be difficult to work out. But will it bring about good stuff-peace, encouragement, laughter (in a good way), relief, honesty and authenticity? These are good guidelines to use I find but those good things can also coexist with hurt and disappointment-so we need to tread carefully.
- Sometimes you need to S-P-E-L-L-I-T-O-U-T (and I am not talking about literally spelling out the letters, unless you are doing parent code and not wanting your child to hear the words-I love this code-I appreciate it is limited in its time use but its G-O-O-D!) What I do mean is be clear. There are many times I think I have been open and honest about something and then be frustrated when it seems to be ignored-which I know that’ll be hard to believe for those of you that know us and know mine and my other half’s clear communication-bahaha!
Ok, after all that important but long preamble, here’s what I am trying to say there is so much power and freedom to be found in speaking aloud your thoughts/fears/dreams.
Last weekend I was contacted by someone who I used to be close to, that individual was calling to apologise for their behaviour in the past. It wasn’t a rekindling of our friendship but it was a brave thing to do and it brought closure and for me, helpful.
At the same time I know others of us are struggling. Sometimes we know why, other times we are just surrounded by darkness and we don’t know how we got here. The confusion that covers the darkness prevents us from sharing our pain with others-but it shouldn’t. Late last year I felt incredibly lonely, (which I wrote about in an earlier blog ‘the fog’). I didn’t know how to explain it to my OH, I couldn’t find the words, and I couldn’t justify it’s presence (I see people everyday). So I just kept on; letting it colour my everyday grey, tinge my relationships with distance and sadness. Then one day walking near a busy road, amongst the cars soaring past us I just broke down. My words were messy and fumbled, and probably overshadowed by ugly crying-and yet it broke down the power of this weight I had been carrying.
I felt so much relief. It didn’t get instantly better, in fact it is something I continually struggle with but I needed to allow my OH to understand what I was going through, and for me to see myself more clearly. He, unsurprisingly, is regularly confuddled by me and my strange ways!! (I sometimes think of it as my alluring air of mystery when in fact its just my disorganised messiness).
Finally, there is strength to be found in the courageous statements of ‘I don’t know about that’ or ‘I am unsure now’ to address the assumptions of your beliefs/feelings/attitudes and being willing to discuss with those around you topics that you may think differently on with grace and honesty. Strength is not always synonymous to decisiveness-but it is often found in vulnerability.
So speak it out-it may not change your world but it will shed light on who and where you are on this journey, which will allow those around you to love you and support you better.
(And yes I am singing ‘speak it out’ to the tune of ‘shake it off’-which I’ll have you know I did some pretty darn amazing mum dancing to in the woods today)