Anyone else get out of the shower and as they are getting dressed do approximately 30 seconds of jumping about/raving and consider that a good exercise for the start of the day?

I mean if those vibrating plates, that are constantly advertised on the shopping channels early in the morning, work-surely jiggling and wiggling works? But then I was watching ‘Biggleton’ (Cbeebies around 8.30am FYI) and I realised I was just doing a more energetic version of the ‘biggle wiggle’. And when you add Eamonn Holmes voiceover to your own little post shower/half dressed workout well it becomes a bit…wrong.

So guys I have had a slightly disappointing epiphany of late-and it came whilst watching the film ‘Bad moms’. I was as surprised as you that yes you can have an epiphany while watching a humorous, but admittedly ridiculous, film. And my epiphany wasn’t that I was a ‘bad mom’ I was never deluded enough to think I have this mothering malarkey down.

Guy, the revelation was I have never really been cool.

My family, God bless them, will all be shouting at the screen (if they read this) ‘we have always told you this’. That’s right my family does honesty well, a little too well it must be said. (Except my mum who thinks all her children, and children-in-law, and any other family, well anyone she’s ever met are amazing-she’s a bit of a cheerleader for the world!)

Yet, in my head I have been cool. I have always been just a flicker away from it being realised by the world-or so I have always believed.

In reflection I have just been too lazy to be cool. Asthetically I have been too lazy to learn how to do my eye makeup by watching a youtube tutorial and practicising and so have been left with just poor eye makeup that looks like I have been crying when I do bother, because it is instantly smudged or I have poked myself in the eye with the mascara wand/eye liner. I always intended to get my nose pierced/a small tattoo on my wrist-not to be cool, but it would have upped my coolness I reckon-but again never got round to it/don’t have the cash.

I have not the creative talent in ‘cool’ areas I have tried and failed to make my own clothes, neither have I ever been successful at finding ‘cool’ items at the charity shop. And I am going to slightly rant here, I want to be better at buying secondhand clothes but I am put off by the lack of clothes that fit me . Plus I once had, a very cool duffel coat from a charity shop when I was 15-sadly a local drunk old man, had the same coat and our town was too small for people not too notice this.

Anyway enough of the pity party-I know I just need to look harder.

But that’s it-I can be lazy.

I once visited a squat, but then left in the early afternoon because I had a lecture I wanted to attend. They also happened to be not very nice people, which is a shame because I have met some very lovely squatters in my lifetime and I think they have a legitimate argument.

I have the sass in my brain, but the wardrobe of a middle aged mum (and not a trendy one).

I have the quirky comebacks and the spirit to kick ass but usually about 3/4 hours after the argument when I am at home in my pjs.

I have the passion but not the participation.

I have the hair of a playmobil character-the reality is not as edgy as you’d imagine. A bit like the shell suit…it had it’s time

And now I have Eamonn Holmes in my head when I am doing my 30 second morning workout.

p.s. I always imagined I could tell my daughter that I was the epitomy of cool, but I think she has realised this is not true already. (Absolutely gutted) Also disclaimer I haven’t read the book that is pictured… I am sure it’s great, I really like the mum’s sweater in the picture.