I am the Tiger

Not the King, or the Queen (Is Carole the Queen?) but the Tiger.*

Wild Tiger GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY
I have the yellowing teeth and whiskers, but my general hair care is not as high a standard as this cat!

I feel like I want to rip apart something or growl-both not socially acceptable, not that that matters at this time- but also I would definitely be the one having to clear up any mess.

And right now-I just can’t do any more tidying, my rage is already at dangerous levels and this would be the end of me!

The craft explosion that has occurred since lockdown, has left our home looking like a sickly unicorn has come and spewed tissue paper, gem stickers and fir cones everywhere. So even after tidying away…our lounge still resembles an art attack gone wrong.

art attack | Tumblr
Apparently the key is PVA glue everything

In fact, if that is the cover of my life right now…mummy slumped in the corner of a lounge partially naked (with a babe attached to a boob) partially covered in craft supplies, half eaten cheese sandwiches, every toy we own scattered at my feet, and a cold tea/ glass of wine just out of reach. The soundtrack would be a mix set of Mickey Mouse/Bing/the random horse noise my Houseparty app makes when I am being called/ and my toddler shouting at me ‘No, you are making me sad!’

Eugene Levy Johnny Rose GIF by Schitt's Creek - Find & Share on GIPHY

The latter because I have been foolish enough to ask her to wash her hands again, clean her teeth, do anything.

Going back to the Tigers, my dear kindred spirits. I felt cooped up-not just physically but in every sense of the word. I am touched out…there is literally hardly any minuted where a small person is not with me. Yes, even my loo breaks have been cut short by a toddler wanting to join me, because what could be more fun than chatting to your mummy whilst she has a crap?!

Sure fire way to torture me further by causing a UTI or constipation, I know my daughter-she is clever, she has this all planned out.

Our thank you candle, that was for so long a beautiful moment of gratitude now becomes a play-by-play account of shit parenting; ‘I am thankful for the chocolate and watching shed-loads of TV’.

Parents GIFs - Get the best GIF on GIPHY

Of course she fails to remember that mummy and daddy (because we are fortunate enough to both be at home, and not working on the whole) have done every kind of imagination game, baking, craft and science project with her for the other 12 hours she has been awake.

Someone, take me away plunge me in cold water (yeah missing the open water swimming badly), give me a drink, make me dance in a sweaty mess until a ridiculous hour and then feed me toasties at 3 am whilst making me cry with laughter. Please I beg you! That is right I am not asking for my life pre-Covid back, I want a better one! I want to go back to the late 90s, early 2000s. (Is this a mid life crisis?!)

Do I particularly deserve this treatment or reward? No, not really.

I am not sacrificing anything at the moment, I am not serving on the front line (or anywhere). Thank you incredible people, I hope our long over due gratitude leads to a different world post this.

I am just a mum losing her shit going into her 4th week of lockdown.

I can’t imagine this post will particularly help anyone out, but if it just shows you that my life isn’t just the badly shot but pretty pictures on instagram. Tonight it is pretty flippin frustrating.

Right, I am off to eat a steak without using cutlery!

*Haven’t actually seen the show yet, but I hear its about a couple of crazy people who have an obsession with big cats and not about a royal Tiger. Shame a royal tiger would be cool…oh there is one already, he is on Hey Duggee!

Disclaimer: It has been a bad evening, but generally life is actually alright. Yesterday morning we actually had a wonderful time as a family celebrating Easter. Please don’t worry about me-unless it leads you to sending gifts, I will always accept presents!

Im Fine GIFs - Get the best GIF on GIPHY

Also I am the Queen of Craft-not high quality necessarily, but in quantity we are winning! If you ever want to know whether its worth the effort on any particular project for a 3year old, happy to share. In summary-have low standards, unless its playdough/salt dough or biscuits don’t leave unattended. The best ones were freezing toys, or baking/making perfumes in the mud kitchen. Or walks with a scavenger hunt aspect.

Also, as recommended by Alex Podd check out Monteray Bay Aquarium live stream (though they are 8 hrs behind us) jelly fish, sharks, penguins, seals and sea otters are all pretty darn life affirming.


And FINALLY…I have thoughts on Easter, quite a lot tbh, hopefully I will write a post-if not please check out ‘Three Vicars talking’ on BBC Sounds-their chat on Easter pretty much covers a lot of my thoughts.


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