I am well aware that my honesty, can paint a sometimes murky picture of parenting-and the truth is, that is sometimes my reality-I have not a clue what I am doing, I am neither fully awake or asleep, but I do know that my daughter is lovingly massaging her rocking horse with peanut butter hands and the rug I hoovered just 20 mins ago, looks like thousands of ants on some hallucinogenic substance have swarmed in with remains of every picnic  that has ever been-dropped it and left. Which can’t be true because its only my daughter having her breakfast…

But despite these times there is a lot of joy to be found-joy that I never expected.

• I laugh with tears in my eyes in the evenings, as she reads me a story confidently in her jibberish and pauses occasionally to fart.
• Her obsession with my ‘innie’ belly button, as her and her dad have ‘outies’. She spends a lot of time checking on my belly button in awe and wonder.
• Her cheeky smile at friends and family (And strangers) as she leans her head on my shoulders.
• Her bopping/dancing to literally any music, theme tunes and credit music being her favourite.
• The way this raising a child malarkey has taught me more about being non-judgemental and not taking myself too seriously than the whole lifetime before her. We are all winging it.
• The way I feel solidarity to anyone and everyone because flip who does know what they are doing really?
• Her cuddles, and (even though they are sometimes open mouthed) her kisses.
• Her absolute joy at the world, from brightly coloured chewing gum stomped into the pavement to ducks in the river. She makes me stop and look when I never used to (well actually thats not totally true, I always had love for the ducks).
• I appreciate wine more than I ever thought I could.
• Ditto to coffee…and adult conversation.

She makes me a mum, and I love it-the whole package.